40 days to go ....

The supply-shopping and apartment-packing has begun in earnest now, even though there are four days of school still to go. I've been 'outed' at school and now all the staff knows I'm leaving and also wants to know what's next. So I've been telling abbreviated versions of the story for a few days straight, and I think it makes me a little immune to the whole situation. I kind of have to remind myself that it's real: I'm about to leave for HONDURAS! With a ONE WAY PLANE TICKET!! And possibly the PEACE CORPS after that, or maybe another cool job. I dreamt last night that the PC lady called and left a message for me, and all day long today I was a little nervous that maybe it was a premonition (which it wasn't).

But maybe I'm really more nervous than I think. Maybe all my energy going into organizing packing lists and sorting through clothes is actually hiding my real feelings about this, this awkward time before the life-changing time. Of course I'm excited and ready for adventure. Apparently I'll need to bring bed netting to protect me from mosquitos!! And I'm really looking forward to improving my Spanish (I've bought all five Harry Potter books in Spanish, I'm ready to practice!). I'm certainly ready to leave school and all the daily frustrations of that place, and to live a simpler life for a little while. I want to focus on things that matter (not late logs and document based essays) and not get stressed out about stupid stuff.

The more I talk about the Peace Corps, the more hopeful I am that the appeal will be successful. I've had to talk myself out of wanting to join the PC once already, and I know I shouldn't have my hopes up with this appeal, but the truth is it's what I really want to do. I want to be able to have a wide variety of experiences and figure out what I'm good at - public health, teaching, youth programming, community organizations. I want to have help developing job connections and career goals for the future. I want this to be a career move, not just a break. I know that if the Peace Corps doesn't work out, I'll figure out something else, some other way to use my skills and energies to help people. I've found this Project Honduras which looks like exactly what I'd need http://www.projecthonduras.com. So I know no matter what, things will work out for the best. They always seem to, no matter what life throws at me. It's funny to be in a position of total helplessness - now I just sit and wait, perhaps for months, for the decision to come through. It's not like me to wait for things to happen, but perhaps PATIENCE is the first of many lessons to come from this whole experience.