As Good as it Gets

Feeling a bit frustrated with, well, everything, I took off to Horqueta for the morning, a mere 2 hours away. I was met with more frustration, including a ridiculously long line at the bank and a lack of vegetables at the market and a blog page that refused to load, but through various conversations with friends here and at home, it all came back into focus.

This is it. This is my Peace Corps service, whether it’s what I thought it would be or not. It is what it is. This is as busy as I’ll ever get. Those few days when I was rushing from one school to the next last month were a fluke, and even though I thought I liked that, what I really liked I think was that that’s how I used to feel – that rush of being productive is what kept me going in New York. I felt like “me” again, but that was the old me. That’s not how things are here, and I can’t keep waiting for that to change.

Conventional wisdom is that the 2nd year of PC is much easier and more productive than the 1st, and I’m not sure about that. I’ve felt frustrated still with the schools, as things keep getting pushed back – we’ll have a meeting once school starts, after school starts, once things settle in, once you get back from vacation, after Semana Santa, after this or that holiday, after you get back from the States. And suddenly it’s June – what are we waiting for???? My frustration is legitimate – my count is that last week 4 of the things on my schedule actually took place, while 10 did not – but there’s some percentage of things-not-happening that has to be acceptable and expected here. I am in Paraguay, where people don’t show up for meetings and things get rained out and change happens slowly slowly slowly. What does “productive” mean here, anyway?? That’s why I’m not a development worker – as a PCV my job is technical assistance AND cultural exchange.

And instead of expecting Paraguay to speed up, I need to slow myself down and go along for this ride. I only have 12 months left, and I know those are going to speeeeeeeed by. I hate to think that I’ll look back on my time and have only movies-watched and kilometers-run and beers-drunk to be proud of.