youth weirdness

It’s a long complicated confusing story, but basically my youth group president came to me today to tell me that while I was out of town her father got really sick so she used 800.000g of the group’s money to help him. I was shocked, and upset, and tried to explain to her that that money wasn’t hers to use, and that instead of “using” what she did was “stealing,” even if she intends to pay it back. She found the money to repay in full in time for this afternoon’s meeting, at which she chose to explained what had happened and seemed to insinuate that I was out of line for making her return the money. Others, including a parent who came to the meeting, agreed – the dad said, I’m not sure if you understand, but here in Paraguay we’re humble people and we help each other out when we need it. Indeed, it’s very Paraguayan to share, even if what you’re sharing isn’t necessarily yours to start out with. I tried to balance my fury over this girl’s stealing with the fact that they’re just kids, and that she was worried about her dad, and that she probably got pressure from family to use the money that they all knew was there, and that this kind of thing happens all the time in Paraguay. I tried to explain in the meeting that I agree with helping people, and that the group could vote to give money or do fundraisers to help, but that the money belongs to the group and only the group can decide how to use it.

It’s all resolved now, and I’m hoping it was a lesson learned for the kids on how to handle money in a transparent and honest way. But it sure didn’t seem like anyone agreed even a little with me, and talking with my PCV friend Sarah about the situation brought up so many issues. I hate for it to seem like I’m pushing uppity American ideas about money onto this culture (though I pointed out that the rules about how commissions spend their money are Paraguayan laws). I hate that there are so many moments every day I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right, that there’s always doubt that I’m misunderstanding a word or doing something that’s culturally inappropriate. Here the concern is always for the people; in my culture we think about the rules. I can’t help that my first reaction was to think about the laws that had been broken, just as the girl here can’t help that her first reaction was to think of her dad’s health. Back home I could just do things, and rarely had to second-guess my words or my motivations or wonder if I was being understood, or if what I was trying to say was even valid. Does that mean I should have done that more in the US – I certainly worked with students from a variety of cultures – or is this just part of the PC experience, being always at least slightly and often entirely out of your element? I suppose it’s all making me a better person, blah blah blah, but for the moment it’s quite frustrating.